People come into our lives for a reason, either to bring us joy or to be our teacher. Let me clarify what I mean by that and how it manifests at a mundane and karmic level.
The first part is likely easy to follow and accept since it has a positive connotation. We rejoice in the company of friends, family, and like-minded people from aspects of our lives that give us meaning. As such, we selectively associate ourselves with people who bring us joy, and these individuals tend to appear in our life frame at just the right moment.
The reciprocal aspect of this appearance requires a bit more explanation and reasoning. Probably equally often as the individuals who bring us joy, we find others entering our lives in uninvited ways that challenge us or bring us apparent hardship. We consider these people our adversaries at worst and annoyances at best, when in fact they too may be our friends and are in our lives to aid our inner development in specific aspects if we can come to see it in that manner and accept it as such. The purpose, whether intended or not, these individuals fulfil in our journey is to serve as our teachers in aspects of our lives where we are yet underdeveloped or simply blocked from potential advancement.
Let me illustrate this with a personal example. In my line of work, it is essential to work closely with and collaborate with peers to meet the needs of a given client in a satisfactory manner. There are many times when I am unable to choose whom to partner with, as many factors go into that decision making process that is beyond my control.
As such, I am often confronted with the prospect of finding ways to get along with individuals who may not share my beliefs and values, which can easily lead to strain and friction. And yet, when I dig deep, I always conclude that everyone has good intentions and any strain I am experiencing is either because they have a different approach to client service or developing our team, and not that they are inherently unlikable or uncollaborative. Abraham Lincoln summed up this insight beautifully in saying, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.”
The implication being that when we put our guards up when seemingly adversarial people appear in our lives; it is because we haven’t taken enough time to understand their perspectives. In fact, the primary fault we find in them is that they don’t perfectly conform to our preferred style. And if we tune into what they have to offer, it expands our horizons and we learn something new and beneficial if we maintain an open mind.
In essence, these people come into our lives to become our teachers in various relevant aspects of our existence that we have otherwise, consciously or unconsciously, blocked off to any new learning. Too often, we dismiss such developments out of hand and instead quickly start to scheme of mechanisms to rid ourselves of such individuals before we have had the opportunity to learn from them due to the apparent disconnect or dissimilarities we experience with them. However, the Dhamma has its own system of ensuring our inner development and we find that there are times when despite our valiant efforts to ward off such individuals or try to banish them completely from our lives, that they don’t easily disappear. At this point, we have the choice to keep fighting this development with all our might or to accept it as the universe’s will and tune into the remedial aspects of this occurrence. These teachers are equally valuable as are our like-minded friends who bring us joy and whose entry into our lives we rarely question and always take for granted.
Manish Chopra
